Choosing The Right Gloves Can Change Your Marriage
He has made everything beautiful in His time. Ecclesiastes 3:11
For two short years we lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico, while my husband did his gastroenterology fellowship. I can still smell the roasted Hatch Green Chiles in the air. Every Fall we’d buy 20 or 30 pounds of Hatch Chiles and have them roasted at a road side stand, then I’d get together with several other wives and spend hours rinsing, peeling and packaging them to freeze so we’d have roasted chiles for months in every food dish imaginable!
My hands would sting and burn for days afterwards because of the capsaicin in the chiles. The other women said gloves wouldn’t help and only extend the torment. I was on a mission to figure out something better! It couldn’t go on like this…just putting up with the misery!
I ultimately figured out which gloves to buy to protect my skin. The problem was in the wrong type of gloves, like the ones I used for cleaning. These were way too bulky and I couldn’t feel the chiles in my hands so I’d lose half of my precious bounty! If the gloves were too thin, the oils would seep right through and soak into my skin literally getting under my skin and I would be sorry I ever agreed to committing to this project!
There were definitely times I wondered why in the world I was doing this! Couldn’t I just go buy Hatch Green Chiles in a can like the rest of the country!
Who needs this pain and trouble? Was it really going to be worth it?
Have you ever wondered that in your marriage? Who needs this? This is too hard! No one else sticks it out! Maybe I married the wrong person?
Kind of like the wrong gloves for the job. Often when the women at my “chile packing club” were declaring that the chiles were always going to be burn our skin and said, “This is all you can expect, it won’t get any better, no reason to hope for change.”
It can be tempting to wonder if you could just change spouses like gloves, would the next be a better fit or prevent less pain?
Maybe your spouse gets under your skin…we can all be an irritant at times! After years of cleaning up coffee messes every morning, when you don’t drink coffee or cleaning your spouses hair out of the drain (and maybe you’re bald)…spouses can seem kind of bulky, and in the way. These thoughts are probably pretty common…but can be very dangerous.
There was no way of knowing which type of gloves I needed to get the first time I packed chiles with my seasoned New Mexican friends. Their skin was impervious to the burning oils. But as I watched how they handled the chiles, I learned so much.
There is no way of knowing what kind of spouse you needed or needed to be when you said your “I DOs” either. But with time…
Some of these women were resigned to the fact that things were never going to change and they were destined to pain and suffering. I didn’t want to be like those ladies. The others handled the chiles with a great deal of respect. I found out not all chiles have the same levels of capsaicin in them and not all hurt your skin. But they treated them all as if they did. As if to say, “If I treat these chiles right, they’ll treat me right.” Lisa TerKeurst from @Proverbs31ministries recently wrote,
“Choosing a gentle reply doesn’t mean you’re weak; it actually means you possess a rare and godly strength. Proverbs 15:1”
Reminding me again, that our responses matter.
What’s more important? Being Mr. or Mrs Right, or being the right kind of person FOR your spouse? What would your spouse think if he/she saw you being as nice and kind and respectful to them as you were to everyone else?
It just might be more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person…
I have no way of knowing if you married Mr. or Mrs. Right or Mr. or Mrs. Wrong. Every married couple has times when things seem harder than they should, and our attitudes clash and the sting can seem to last for too long.
What I can tell you is that if you decide that you’re going to do something about YOU…you can change your marriage. You don’t need to wait for your skin or your heart or your emotions to become impervious to the burn and pain of a bad marriage. YOU have the ability to change things. Look for different gloves!
Decide to accept instead of reject. Imagine what that might feel like to your Mr. Wrong’s heart. “Hey, Honey…I’m going to accept you for you, no more rejection…starting RIGHT NOW!” One of my favorite women, Shelley Giglio from SIXSTEPSRECORDS & CO-FOUNDER, PASSION CONFERENCES tweeted recently “happiness is letting go of what you expected and hugging what you have.”
So I say it again…Decide to accept!
Be thankful rather than spiteful. Dream about how this could look to your self declared Mrs. Wrong. “Thank you for making dinner darling! You are wonderful!”
Give encouragement rather than disapproval. When we are encouraged we cannot help but to grow together! It doesn’t matter how far apart you’ve grown…the moment we encourage our Mr. or Mrs. Wrong…they become our Mr. or Mrs. Right! “You did a great job on that! Way to go!”
When we become the Right spouse… When we re-think how we treat the person we’re sure is Mr. or Mrs. Wrong… and begin thinking in terms of us…
I guarantee…You’ll be Mr. and Mrs. Right
Together. The way He planned. Dr James Dobson says, “ When husbands and wives commit themselves to live according to God’s ways, a bond of trust develops between them.”
He makes everything beautiful in His time! Ecclesiastes 3:11
Join me, Joy and Julie Thursday afternoons at 2:30pm on 93.9 KPDQ and Sunday mornings at 11:30am on True Talk 800. Each week we explore God’s Word and discuss practical ways we can live for the joy of it in our homes, relationships and community. Can’t join us live? Go to JOYOFIT.ORG for the podcast or subscribe on ITUNES.
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